When Your World Looks Like It’s in Black and White
- Linda Stager
- 23 hours ago
- 2 min read
Christmas is the season of lights and color in a dark winter world. A time that’s expected to be about celebration and joy. And yet, sometimes, Christmas can ache as much as it glows.
There was a time, after our son’s accident, that everything ached. I remember being in a room of people and feeling like I wasn’t connected to anything or anyone. Lights and laughter only highlighted for me what was missing.
It felt like the holiday season came in black and white that year—marked by loss and longing.
I’ve felt that same feeling at other Christmases…missing my parents for instance, or a special friend who’s no longer with me.
But I know now that emotional pain isn’t forever; its a season too. It can ebb and flow…some years I see and feel the season in full color and then some years I feel it in simple black and white or muted colors.
I don’t try to “fix” it anymore. I sit with it and I let the memories come. When I focus on presence instead of what’s supposed to be, the pain softens. It doesn’t disappear—but it softens enough to breathe. This year may not be the year for a Christmas tree or other traditions; but it may come next year. And that’s okay.
I remind myself that my goal isn’t to pretend that things are okay; it’s simply to “stay”. To keep showing up; trusting that even when I can’t see the world’s color, it still exists, waiting for me to be ready again. ( One year, my word of the year was “stay”)
Slowly—without forcing it—color returned to my life again. It was in simple things: in a conversation with someone (talking can help) — and in rituals I created to acknowledge the loss and then to eventually move on.
I “stay”, knowing now that it will be okay again.
If Christmas hurts this year, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re being honest.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do during the holidays is to honor what we’ve lost.
And trust that color can return to life, even if things still look like they are in black and white.
Stay…..
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